Bah, humbug! Have I become the old Scrooge I feared so much as a child? For the first time this year, holiday e-cards in my inbox far outnumbered printed cards in my mailbox. Of course, everyone claims they’re just being “green,” but there’s a nagging little voice in my ear that says, “Maybe everyone is just being cheap.” But who would mind if the e-cards were really wonderful and creative or brought a smile to your face?

“So, Mr. Grinch,” you ask, “what makes a good e-card?”
I wish I could tell you. I’ll know it when I see it. The two we actually liked were honest and authentic and weren’t selling anything except good cheer.

“Got it. Now, what should I avoid next year in my e-card?”
My first answer is the e-card itself. I want to be touched, not pinged. Now that I’ve gotten so many of them, I have to admit that e-cards feel remote and cold. Kind of like winter. Nary a one warmed me up. In fact, most of them made me cranky and annoyed for having been snookered into opening them.

But if you must send an e-card, do this. Avoid Jesus, Merry Christmas, exploiting the kiddie factor, winter scenes, red and green, darling children’s drawings, patriotic stuff, snow in almost all of its forms (singular and aggregate). Also, steer clear of mindless platitudes, either solo or in bunches. Finally, avoid making a hysterically hip hip-hop video to reveal your firm’s true culture or to troll for a laugh.

You can take this list and add the following for your printed cards: No flocking, gold and silver foil leaves or ornaments. And, please, no business cards inserted or printed signatures. Now hand me my beer and my gun.

“Yes, sir.”

By the way, our most recent survey, Finding and Working with Professionals on the Web, reveals that I’m not alone—only 28% of professionals want to receive holiday greetings electronically.